Tuesday, August 03, 2004 Volume 1 Number 2 Balance Balancing work, family and relationships can seem like a juggling act. But it can be done with the right rhythm, coordinated efforts, and sometimes just a touch of exhaustion. The coordinated efforts usually begin with an agreement and a belief that in fact both partners will work and that it's okay. The greatest concern of most working partners is time, or more accurately the lack of it. Usually the more hours that are spent in the work force, the more stress there is in the house. Having little or no control over our work hours or the demand at work compounds the strain at home. For example, how can you discipline, teach good study skills, have ?quality? time with your 7-year old, and fix the leaky faucet in 10 minutes a day? More often than not working parents report that the only way to have time for themselves is by sleeping less, and that often freed-up time gets used up with tasks. The result is feeling like an overdrawn bank account. Men seem to have it easier taking time out for themselves. The price they pay is usually resentment of their worn-out partner. Working parents are perpetually in conflict with the operating hours of other businesses, schools, day care centers. If you work 9-5, it will be difficult to make a doctor's appointment, attend school functions, etc. Those who have some control over their hours and are able to fit in banking, food shopping, and school conferences are usually most satisfied at home and work. At the end of one of those long, hard days it's natural to be tired and hungry and need comfort, praise, reassurance, a hug and a sympathetic ear. But, what happens if everyone needs it at the same time and no one has enough energy to be the giver? This is a real situation for most families with two working adults and can't be attributed to "communication problems." Both often feel they are not being tended to, and they are absolutely correct. This often shows up as resentment stemming from disappointment or guilt. Most couples try and try to solve this dilemma and come up with solutions like simplifying dinners, eating out more often, negotiating tasks, and recruiting assistance from others, household help and faith that the weekend will eventually come. The bottom line is to find a solution to get more affection, care and attention that can preserve the relationship. Many view family responsibilities and children as obstacles to complete, total involvement at work. Most parents report that 1-year-olds tend to present more of a problem than infants. More mothers of 2-year-olds have second thoughts about working than parents of any other age group. By the time their child is 6, parents generally feel they are on safer ground. Unlike men, many women report that money is not the only reason they work. Many report that they would work even if they won Megabucks or the family finances were well intact, regardless of their contribution. Yet, for others the need to obtain some degree of freedom from money problems presents a great need to work. In most families it takes two to make a go of it. The "Father Knows Best" family of a working father and stay-at-home mother is not a mold that fits most families of today. Earning a living is without a doubt a major source of stress. Yet, it's our own reaction to occupational pressure, not the pressure itself that produces stress. The cost of unmanageable stress in the workplace exceeds $40 billion per year. These costs include over-utilization of medical benefits, in and outpatient hospital care, increased absenteeism, poor job performance, low morale, increased use of alcohol, tranquilizers and cigarettes, lessened creativity and decision-making abilities, carelessness, high accident rate, and death. Women and single parents often experience the most distress of working two jobs, one at the office and the other when they return home. Even though women generally manage stress better than men, chronic job stress can still overflow into family relationships. Being constantly aware of "what's too much" is critical. Getting prime time at home and hanging on to your career can be done, and it can actually be great for adding to your vitality, creativity, and love relationships. Being super busy has its advantages ? as the old saying goes, if you want something done just give it to a very busy person! By: Dr. Melvin Rabin And Debra Shore Rabin, MA, ATR It's a sign of the times. Most families are very busy, over-extended, a bit stressed out, and exhausted. If you have AD/HD or you have a partner or child living with AD/HD it can be even more difficult. It is becoming more and more important to work together as a family to overcome obstacles and remember to acknowledge your partner's effort. In the next edition of this newsletter we will feature a column on how families can work together to achieve balance. Until then treat each other kindly, love each other unconditionally, and communicate often. Send us your comments Inspiring Comments Dear LifeLifters, My therapist gave your website to one of her clients (she took one of those cards you sent with the book). The client bought your package and can't find enough good things to say about it - it's really turned her life around, I'm told. She (my therapist) just asked me for the site again and she's going to get a few copies for herself and plans on passing the site on to all her ADD clients, she's really impressed with the results, and she works with A LOT of ADD folks. Thought you'd like to hear how well it's being received here. Patti M Dear LifeLifters, I am SO happy with this program! I am still working on the section about my house, so far so good but the thing I like best about this program has been the financial section! As a single mom of two kids I have been edging and edging for the past few years. I was always trying to figure out a good systems and my bills would just pile up and frustrate me. I want to tell everyone that this program has really helped me and fast! I set up the system 4 months ago and I have been really good about following the guide. Smilla Send us your success stories The ADD Audio Coach Q & A Dear valued customers, This area of The ADD Community Press is reserved for questions about The ADD Audio Coach. We love hearing from our community and we will post your questions here along with detailed responses from the authors! Thanks LifeLifters Staff We love answering your questions 16th Annual International Conference 16th Annual International Conference on Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Striking the Right Note Through Science, Education and Support October 28-30, 2004 Renaissance Nashville Hotel and Nashville Convention Center Nashville, TN CHADD's annual conference provides a unique opportunity for professionals, researchers, educators, clinicians, adults with AD/HD and parents to share their stories, learn about the latest developments in research, diagnosis, treatments and behavior, and gather information on many other related subjects. Seminars addressing a host of topics; everything from peer pressure and social relationships, teaching methods and juvenile justice to anger management and co-existing conditions, provide a look at the many issues individuals with AD/HD face daily. LifeLifters hopes to see you there! Register for the conference